Our Lady Logician has a great post on the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008.  She actually read the entire piece of legislation.  Very informative.  Please check it out:  Hell Hath No Fury

I’ve never considered myself a ‘collector’.  I think collecting things is a waste of time and money, and is–generally–tacky.

Well, color me humbled.  I’ve found my niche in the collector’s world, and it’s collecting the last thing I ever thought I would…dolls.  Before you get visions of me suddenly adopting hoards of cats, crocheting doilies, and filling my living room with china dolls, please allow me to explain…

When I was a little girl, my grandmother had a bunch of toys left over from when my aunt was a girl, herself.  Among the vintage treasures packed into her toybox were these little dolls which were no bigger than two inches tall.  They had long, pretty hair and cute little faces.  I remembered playing with them constantly, pretending that they were real.

I’ve never forgotten those little dollies, and on a  nostalgia-induced whim, I started investigating to see if I could figure out what they were called, which toy company made them, and if I could still obtain a few.  (My grandmother is an avid ‘de-clutterer’ and ‘tosser’,  traits that I’ve also inherited and sometimes regret. She disposed of the dolls on one of her cleaning escapades.)

What I discovered is that these tiny dolls are called ‘Liddle Kiddles’, that they were made by Mattel in the late 60’s/early 70’s, and that eBay is absolutely chock-full of them.  They’re one of the hottest items on the online auction site, so apparently I’m not the only one whose youth was inspired by them.  Fortunately, they were very well-made and there are millions of them out there that–although they’ve been played with and show signs of being loved–are still in great shape.

What started as a one-item purchase has turned into a sort of strange obsession.  Ten Liddle Kiddles later, I’m finding myself able to identify the things by name, their year of production, and can identify a ‘Kiddle Klone’ from a thumbnail picture on an eBay search.

I’m hooked.

The nicest thing about Liddle Kiddle Kollecting (ARGH.  I know I’m a sick individual when I start replacing the letter ‘c’ with ‘k’) is that they’re so tiny.  I can fit them in a small case, which is crucial when considering my obsessive-compulsive home-organization disorder. 

Some might ask what sort of thrill I get out of collecting something that sits in a case.  I think it’s a fair question.  The fact is, I take them out, look at them, and hold their tiny bodies in my hand on a pretty regular basis.  They remind me of a better time, when things were made with the highest attention to quality, and when little girls still played with dolls that didn’t look like street-walkers. 

My daughter also loves them, and I even let her play with them.  I purposefully purchase non-mint dolls so she can enjoy them just like I did.  No ‘Never Removed From Box’ Kiddle will ever enter my home, so help me.

So…Regardless of how crazy it makes me seem, I’ve found a sort of thrill in waiting for that package in the mail, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.  Sometimes you just have to pretend you’re a kid again.

I still don’t care for cats, by the way.  And if you ever catch me blogging about crocheting doilies, please come find me and put me out of my misery.

KARE 11 out of the Twin Cities (Minnesota) did a story about an hour ago about the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act that may force secondhand stores to perform expensive testing on children’s clothing and toys, in order to make absolutely certain that these items don’t contain lead or any other frightening substance (polyester?) that will surely kill our children.

From the KARE 11 web site:

Bargain hunters may not ‘always’ find what they want, but the shelves at Arc’s Value Village Thrift store in New Hope are filled with toys, clothes and trinkets, a popular draw for those looking for something for almost nothing.

Come next month, those shelves may be a bit more bare.

On February 10, the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act becomes law. The federal agency behind it calls it sweeping legislation, that protects children from products that could harm them.

“It’s getting very close, and more and more companies are starting to understand what their responsibiliies are,” explained Scott Wolfson of the U-S Consumer Product Safety Commission.

For Value Village, that responsibility may include testing every children’s product that is donated for lead and phthalates, a family of chemicals used to manufacture plastics. Both are considered harmful to the health of young people. As written, the law seems to require that both new ‘and’ used products sold after February 10,2009 be certified as lead and phthalate free.

“I hope ‘that’ interpretation, that every single item needs to be tested, is the extreme and won’t actually be what happens in the long run,” opined Pam Carlson, Public Affairs Director for Arc Greater Twin Cities. “We share a concern, obviously, we don’t want to do things that are dangerous for people, especially for kids.”

Thankfully, the news of this has spread like wildfire, and people have been jamming the phone lines of the Consumer Product Safety Commission. 

First, please do your part and call the CPSC.  It will only take a minute, and you’ll have done your civic duty.  This issue crosses party lines.  This law will affect every common American citizen who has to watch their budgets closely (the vast majority of us).

Here’s the number:

800-638-2772

(TTY 800-638-8270)

If you don’t want to call, send a fax:

Fax: (301) 504-0124 and (301) 504-0025

If you don’t want to do either, write a message on their online contact form.

And if you’re a real serious sort of protester, please go to this page for a list of officers and their respective contact information. 

Now the sobering aspect:  All but 25 members of the House voted for this legislation. (H.R. 4040 Roll Call) 

Do I believe that these elected officials knew that they could possibly be shutting down the children’s resale market?  Of course I don’t.

What I do believe is that our elected officials are more concerned with their next run for office than they are taking their time and doing things right.  They aren’t employing a good deal of thought, debate, and contemplation in decisions that can affect a huge number of Americans.   Instead, they’re creating crisis after crisis so that they can ‘fix’ these exaggerated or outright made-up dangers, and thus make it appear to us that we actually need them. 

Well I’m here to tell you that I’m sick of it.  I’m sick of being told that the world’s crumbling down around us (or burning up) and that we need a big, fat nanny to come down from governmental Purgatory and herd us all into sterilized, sun-screened playpens where we’ll be certain to live until we’re 135, but will be miserable for the rest of our lives. 

I’d rather take my chances with preservative-filled hot dogs and smoke-filled taverns, thanks.

****UPDATE****

Monte Bateman over at Tell Your Neighbor has started a Facebook group against the CPSIA.  If you have a Facebook account, go on over and join up.

I am absolutely livid right now.  I hardly know where to begin I’m so stinking angry.

Have any of you heard about the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008?  If you have, you probably heard that it was passed to protect children from imported goods that may contain lead or other harmful contaminants.  Well did you know that the bill also includes the government-sanctioned testing of resale children’s clothing?

That’s right.  As of February 10, 2009, you will no longer be able to sell or buy children’s used clothing under the CPSIA.  Not at the Goodwill, not at a consignment shop, not on eBay.  Not even at a yard sale.  If you do, you face a $100,000 fine and 5 years of imprisonment.  That is, unless the seller can find a government-approved way to test the garments that won’t force them out of business.

You think I’m joking?

Here’s an LA Times article on the matter, and here’s a brief analysis of this moronic piece of legislation over at Campaign for Liberty:

Congress, in its impeccable wisdom, effectively voted last year to shut down the children’s resale clothing business via the “Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008.” Not a soul in the House dared to vote against “children’s safety,” proving many in the Congressional cesspool of counter-productivity neglect to read legislation before voting. (I’ll cut a break for the 25 who abstained, as they potentially didn’t vote because they hadn’t an opportunity to read the bill.)

The act requires lead testing of all products sold for children aged twelve and under, including but not limited to clothing and toys, regardless of the date of manufacturing and the high improbability of lead in the clothing, particularly that manufactured domestically. Goodwill, other thrift stores, and one-person shops reselling new and used children’s clothing, making a couple dollars per item, would have to forgo a year’s worth of profit to fund third-party testing services, essentially putting most out of business. Further, as I understand it, the testing requires the destruction of an individual unit out of a batch, and would therefore not work for unique items.

Taking effect February 10, 2009, this ex post facto regulatory taking comes precisely at a time when lower-income and newly unemployed parents most need inexpensive children’s clothing and the dollars they receive from selling or consigning their children’s briefly used items.

While clothing is one of the few areas in which the market demands recycling, stores with existing, untested merchandise will have to opt for sending truckloads of perfectly good clothes to the landfill. And parents who purchased that expensive special occasion dress with plans to resell it after one wear are simply out the money. Not even Goodwill can take it now.

After planning my own recession-proof business, a children’s resale shop, where one was lacking in my neighborhood, I’m lucky to have found this news story yesterday, before signing a lease. Although I am out some minor capital expenses and inventory costs, the regulatory taking could have had a worse toll, and at least I avoided the $100,000 fines or five-year’s imprisonment.

When I was a poor single mother, the Goodwill and yard sales were the only places I could afford to buy clothing for my growing son.  Those of you who have children know how quickly they outgrow clothing, and you also know what a godsend secondhand shops and garage sales are.  And now that the economy’s in the crapper and parents are losing their jobs, buying new clothes is simply not an option for many families.  Heck, I still shop at the Goodwill, garage sales, and consignment shops on a regular basis for my kids and myself. 

But here comes Mommy Government, under the guise of ‘protecting the children’, not allowing us to be grown-ups and assume our own risks (as if purchasing used children’s clothing were really a ‘risk’). 

And just exactly how do these clowns in Congress plan on enforcing this law?  Will we have ‘Garage Sale Police’ working the beat in the suburbs, going from house-to-house to make certain that no renegade stay-at-home  mom is peddling her illegal layette to innocent and unsuspecting garage salers? 

“Please step away from the onesies with your hands above your head!”

ARGH.  I’m going to go crazy. 

And to those of you who thought that seatbelt and smoking ban legislation was a great idea, you’re getting what you asked for.  You want government to take care of you, this is what you get.  I’ve been preaching about the ’slippery slope’ for years, and people keep saying, “Oh, Joey.  That’ll never happen. You’re exaggerating.”

Well?  Did you ever think used children’s clothing would be banned from commerce? 

Everyone of you–liberal and conservative–should be outraged.  This isn’t about party politics, anymore.  This is about a runaway government that seems intent on destroying our entire way of life under the ‘good intention’ of saving us from ourselves.  So while everyone’s busy bickering back and forth over which party can ’save’ America, we–the common American citizens–are losing everything. 

Happy freakin’ New Year.

If you’re as depressed as I am about Dubya’s pansy move to bail out (YES, I said ‘bail out’) the big three, you need some cheering up.  And if you’re a music nerd fighter like me, this should do the trick.

This next one is for the old-skool gamer nerds:     

There.  I’ve done my part to decrease world suck. 

Enjoy your weekend.

For those of you who’ve been reading this blog for at least a year, you’re familiar with my story about the three-faced doll.  If you aren’t ‘in the know’, please read it here.

And now, the conclusion of the story…

__________________________________

After searching eBay for days, I finally located an exact replica of the three-faced doll that my Uncle Gerry had presumably destroyed.   I won’t tell you what I paid for the thing.  Price wasn’t an issue, because I had plans–Christmas plans, to be exact–for my uncle.

After taking several pictures of the “D****d Evil Doll” in different outfits and poses, I decided that we would wrap up the doll and give it to Uncle Gerry, along with a Christmas letter from the doll herself. 

I began typing the letter and then went to bed, leaving the creepy thing on the countertop in our kitchen, and foolishly forgetting about our German Shorthair, Jersey, who had within the past six months consumed a bottle of St. John’s Wort, my husband’s glasses, a one hundred dollar bill (true story), and various other things that dogs–nor any other living creature, for that matter–should be eating.  (Just so you know, I’m now an expert in making dogs throw up, in case you’re ever in need of advice on such matters.)

I woke up the next morning to find the doll (now appropriately named ‘Trifecta’), chewed up on the floor.  Actually, she wasn’t completely chewed up.  Just the knob on her head.  I was very angry, and my husband had to keep the dog hidden from me for several hours. 

My carefully calculated plan was foiled.

**************************************

On Christmas Day, we went to Grandma’s house as we always do.  When it came time to exchange gifts, I waited until every last one was opened, and then I handed my uncle the envelope with the Christmas letter from Trifecta.

Greetings, Uncle Gerry!

2007 was an eventful year for me. After taking a long break from scaring grown men with my mutant head, I decided it was time to explore the world…

First, I made an unexpected visit to Grandpa Alger and Grandma Lorraine. They were very happy to see me, and Grandma gave me some homemade ice cream and her famous ‘Shipwreck’ hotdish.  Yum!

I figured as long as I was in my old stomping grounds, I’d go out for a night on the town and hung out at Lucky’s tavern. After learning a few new curse words and how to skin a raccoon, I was given a sober cab back to Grandma’s.  She wasn’t happy with my new vocabulary, nor my drunken state.  She scolded me profusely and sent me to bed. 

The next morning, I cured my hangover at The Lighthouse Café in Richardson. They have some good breakfast there, but the waitress thought I was creepy. That seems to happen wherever I go.

Next, I decided to go to Paris, France. I met a hunk of a man named ‘The Executor’. Turns out he’s a wrestler, and I just couldn’t deal with that. We parted ways after he attempted to spin my head around and body slam me. It was the low point of my year, and I really don’t care to talk about it anymore, if you don’t mind.

Soon after that, I decided to take a trip to see the White House. The CIA must have thought my tri-head was a threat to Homeland Security, because while I was on a tour of our nation’s capitol, I was given a police escort of the premises and interrogated in ways I can’t discuss in this letter.  I did manage to get a good picture first, however.

Egypt had always interested me, so I bought a plane ticket without a second thought.  I got to visit the pyramids, and was mistaken for an archeological exhibit. My eyes are closed in this picture. (I never was all that photogenic.)

Then, I visited the Grand Canyon. A little boy took one look at me, started screaming, and tried to throw me into it.  Remember when you tried to throw me into the firepit, Uncle Gerry? 

Last, but certainly not least, I have met the man of my dreams. His name is Beach Fun Ken, and he’s much nicer than that loser wrestler. He likes to have fun in the sun, and I’m down with that.

We went to Las Vegas and got married in November. We’re expecting our first child, and I’m desperately hoping that it has his head.

Happy Holidays and Keep in Touch!

Now as you will recall, Trifecta’s knob on top of her head was chewed off by my dog, Jersey.  Instead of accepting defeat and just giving Uncle Gerry the letter, I discovered that an ornament top from a Christmas ball fit perfectly into the top of the hole that now existed in place of the knob on Trifecta’s head.  I pulled her head off of her little plastic body and turned it into an ornament, hook and all.  The best part was that you could stick a light up inside of the head so it glowed, which gave it a tremendously creepy effect.  I was pleased to demonstrate this to my uncle by hanging it on Grandma’s tree.

Needless to say, Uncle Gerry was both mortified and disgusted, just as I’d hoped.  I also stole the Trifecta head ornament from him before he left.  It’s on my Christmas tree right now. 

So that, my friends, is the story of the Three Faced Doll, and probably the strangest Christmas story you’ll ever hear in your lives. 

The moral of the story:  Never discriminate against little plastic dolls that have three faces, and don’t try to destroy them by burning them in a backyard firepit.  They come back.

It’s flippin’ freezing here in ‘Sconnie. 

I woke up this morning and discovered that it was -10.  This is unseasonably cold–even in Wisconsin–for December.  I even broke out my Elmer Fudd fur hat, which usually doesn’t see the outside of my winter storage Rubbermaid container until mid to late January.

Thankfully, my diesel VW decided to fire up, anyway.  Hopefully the exhaust that it emits will contribute to some sort of greenhouse warming effect. 

I may just leave it running tonight.

Speaking of hot air, have you read the latest Chicken Little global warming article (h/t WizBang)?  Oh boy, it’s a doozy.  Here’s an excerpt:

When Bill Clinton took office in 1993, global warming was a slow-moving environmental problem that was easy to ignore. Now it is a ticking time bomb that President-elect Barack Obama can’t avoid.

Since Clinton’s inauguration, summer Arctic sea ice has lost the equivalent of Alaska, California and Texas. The 10 hottest years on record have occurred since Clinton’s second inauguration. Global warming is accelerating. Time is close to running out, and Obama knows it.

These people are out of their ever-loving minds if they think this charade is going to go on much longer.  Their thirst for power and belonging to this new cult of environmentalism has clouded their judgement to the point where they actually believe that the average Joe is taking them seriously. 

This would be entertaining if it weren’t so creepy.  Who needs circuses when we have the global warming cultists?  You can witness a freak show every time you open the newspaper, if you’re into that sort of thing. (Yes, I’m into that sort of thing.)

Entertainment value aside, I’ve been proclaiming global warming heresy everywhere I go.  When I enter the gas station and am shivering from the cold, I say to the clerk, “That Al Gore is full of crap.”  When I go to my favorite cafe on my lunch break and leave my car running on the street to keep it warm, I walk in and happily exclaim to anyone will listen, “How about that global warming, folks?”  Nearly everyone laughs or says, “Wow!  So you’re a denier, too?”  I’ve actually had quite a few great conversations with people.  Most of them seem relieved that there’s actually someone else out there who thinks global warming science is about as reliable as Barney Frank on a housing sub-committee. 

If you live in the cold north (or in New Orleans, which just experienced a snowstorm), I would encourage you to use the cold as a ‘global-warming-is-B.S.’ conversation starter.  Don’t be shy, and don’t be afraid.  I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find out that most folks agree with you…unless you live in Madison, or Minneapolis, or [insert commie city name here].

Speak up, folks!  Atheists are proud of being atheists and denounce a higher power on a constant basis.  Why should we heathens of the environmental movement be any different?  Are you afraid of being ’shunned’?  I’ll remind you once again, via the University of You Tube, what happens when you ‘go along to get along’:

Stupid Charlie.

I know I just posted that a few days ago.  I don’t care.  It’s pertinent.  And I’ll be honest with you…I don’t think there’s ever a bad time for a life-lesson from cartoon unicorns. 

You’re welcome.

I’ve often heard the argument that because Walmart is so incredibly profitable, they should pay their employees more.  I’ve argued against this by saying that a job is still worth what it’s worth, regardless of whether or not the employer is making money hand-over-fist or whether they’re struggling to make payroll.  A cashier job should be worth what it’s worth, whether you’re working at Walmart or in a small ‘Mom and Pop’ general store. 

So if leftists believe that a P & L sheet of a corporation should determine the hourly wage of its employees, why are these same people clamoring for a bailout of the Big Three automakers?  Ford, GM and Chrysler are obviously failing and are not operating profitably, so using the leftist Walmart reasoning, shouldn’t the UAW accept concessions in order to help make the companies more profitable and therefore increase job stability?

It’s funny how the mind of a leftist works.  When an employer is successful and profitable, they want the laborers to get a piece of the profit pie, but when an employer fails to be successful and profitable, they refuse to accept any responsibility. 

There’s a term for this flawed reasoning, and it’s called ‘having your cake and eating it, too’.  

The Big Three should file Chapter 11, reorganize, and then renegotiate their labor contracts in a way that would enable the Big Three to be profitable and continue to offer jobs for their employees. 

Believe it or not, jobs exist not for the pleasure of employees, but because the employer has work that needs to be accomplished.  If the entire purpose of building a strong business is to employ people rather than to realize profit, these bailouts will continue until every major employer in America has been nationalized. 

We must disabuse ourselves of this notion that corporations exist to provide jobs.  They exist because there are people out there who are willing to take the risk of investing in a business venture that has the possibility of turning a profit, and therefore have work available to people who wish to exchange their labor for pay.  If there is no realized profit, there’s no work to be done and therefore no need for jobs. 

Those who are unwilling to take the risk of starting and operating a business and instead want the guarantee of a paycheck every week don’t have the right to demand salaries and benefits beyond market rates simply because their employer is profitable, and also don’t have the right to make those same over-the-top demands when their employer is failing.  Either you assume the risk or you don’t.